Being a mother of a 4 year old is giving me more opportunities to learn than to teach. Observing my 4 year old and her friends is quite insightful – looking at pre-schoolers from the lens of a 40 year old helps me look at our relationship with ourselves and what it goes through during the course of our life.
Let us compare our relationship with ourselves and the two hands of a clock. If the beginning of our lives was metaphorically how the two hands of the clock are together at mid-night, we were in sync with ourselves when we were young. We said and did as we felt. We knew what we wanted. As time passes, the minute hand begins to move away from the hour hand, we start moving away from ourselves. We get busy, there is noise in the head, cluttered thoughts. Our opinions of ourselves get coloured by what we feel others think of us. What we choose to do is also governed by what may be perceived as “valuable”. We make several other choices based on perceived value as we get disconnected with our own values and needs. We make several other choices in a state where we are disconnected with “our core self”. As the minute hand of the clock in our lives moves to 6, we are farthest away from ourselves! Mid-life crisis maybe! We feel trapped. We question why we are doing what we are doing. This is the phase where we begin asking ourselves questions that have the potential to bring us back in harmony with ourselves.
Who am I? What is my essence?
Why am I doing what I am doing?
What is my purpose?
What are my gifts?
What is my contribution?
What is holding me back from living the way I want to?
What are my needs – my needs that are crucial for my well being. Needs which aren’t being met and are making me feel far removed from my spirit?
Am I being myself?
What will I leave back in form of memories when I am gone?
Finding answers to these questions helps us get back in touch with ourselves.
In my own journey, when the metaphorical clock hand touched 6, I began asking myself these questions. Trying to find these answers really helped me understand that while for the longest time I believed I was a “People Manager”, that wasn’t true. Connecting with myself helped me understand that things are managed, not people. What I truly loved was seeing genius in those in front of me and helping them bring forth their great work to this world. I loved helping people discover and express their true potential. I realised that I actually liked coaching and not managing. Also, my own need was really to express myself in various forms, be it through style or writing. To me both provide a sense of satisfaction. But it took me time to understand the commonality between these two seemingly disconnected interests. I always wondered how I could be more of myself every single day. For many days I kept writing everything what is dear to me :
- Seeing the genius in the person in front of me
- Exploring the mind
- Having Deep Conversations
I figured out that my perfect day would be a blend of these!
I feel so much more connected with myself and “present” now. My day now has conversations that I generate through projects for myself, like the 100 Conversations and there are my deep coaching conversations that I totally love. They enable me to see the genius in the person in front of me. It also gives me an opportunity to explore the mind, to make difference in the life of the person I am coaching and hopefully to leave behind wonderful memories.
Every single day, I make it a point to read inspiring content at least for an hour. Writing is another important aspect for my day. Self Expression through style is another important aspect of my life and I devote time to it everyday. Getting dressed is a fun ritual for me. Creating unique outfits that represent me in the most authentic way is something I truly enjoy. It also gives me immense satisfaction to coach others on style and expression – both of which play a role in how they show up in this world.
Asking the crucial questions has really helped me connect with myself, bring more of “me” to this world every single day and derive a sense of contribution.
Answers didn’t come easy, I have read, spent hours writing and reaching out to excellent coaches and mentors. I think it is important not to look for these answers in a vacuum. It is best to find answers in an environment that is friendly and feels safe. You could reach out to mentors or a coach who could guide you through this fascinating journey so that you are connected with yourself every single day and you are being your true self each moment by doing things you love!
You could start on your own too! Journaling is a great way to explore what is within you. Start by writing down activities that make you come alive! That resonate with you! What would make your day fabulous? What is it that makes you feel connected with yourself?